Guys like me seem shifty-eyed and like they'd rather be at home with a Wendy's frosty. Taken guys seem like they'll have some serious explaining to do. It deserves to be an Olympic sport, with slightly less street cred than rhythmic gymnastics and slightly more than dressage. I know pole dancing is a legit workout these days, but let's push this thing to the top. If you look beyond the endless nipples, you'll see the athleticism, strength, and showmanship of a professional pole dancer. Let's just hope someone is making it rain-Purell.Įveryone is missing the good stuff. Some even offer a buffet, which, depending on who you are, is either the best or the grossest thing ever. I know there are different tiers of quality and health-code standards at these places, but I imagine it's hard to scrub years of general sleaze off faux-suede seat cushions. As she danced with her bare backside dangerously close to my mouth and nose, I wondered which one of us was supposed to be enjoying this. The time my friend bought me a lap dance was when I first actively decided, Oh, I guess I don't want a stranger's butt in my face. I'm pretty stingy with my entertainment buck, unless I'm spending $13.50 to see Frozen…again. Meanwhile, I was standing in the back doing something worse than paying the strippers: not paying the strippers. There's always the friend who's like, "Dude, I cannot believe I spent $600 last night." Well, I can, considering I literally saw six hundred individual dollar bills leave your hand. So, thank you, people I hate, for ruining Rick's Cabaret and "Don't Stop Believing." 2. It's like when you find out someone you hate loves a song you love, it's hard to keep loving that song. I'm not saying everyone there is a creep, but I imagine strip clubs have more creeps per capita than most places, and I don't want to be associated with them. Here are eight reasons: I'd rather have front-row seats to Wicked. Now knowing two-thirds of dudes have my back, I'm a prude weirdo who's proud to say I hate them. Continued abuse of our services will cause your IP address to be blocked indefinitely.When Esquire asked more than 1,000 men, "How much do you or would you enjoy going to a strip club?", 68 percent said "a little" or "not even a little." Only 7 percent answered "immensely." I used to be a prude weirdo who was afraid to say how much I hated strip clubs. Please fill out the CAPTCHA below and then click the button to indicate that you agree to these terms. If you wish to be unblocked, you must agree that you will take immediate steps to rectify this issue. If you do not understand what is causing this behavior, please contact us here. If you promise to stop (by clicking the Agree button below), we'll unblock your connection for now, but we will immediately re-block it if we detect additional bad behavior.
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